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| Our little reminders. <3 |
We all have the common disputes with money management, sex, family relations, carrying on family traditions, and raising children in a similar or different way than how we were raised. But then there are the unique struggles of fertility issues, raising children with special needs, physical or mental disabilities from work or accidents, addictions, the loss of a family member, etc.
However, in each of these trying times, our spouse can make life not only more bearable but survivable. Our souls can literally be at the end of our rope; our heart, spirit, and mind could all be ready to give up and with the encouragement and support of this one individual--life can go on. Move forward. There seems to be hope. And a little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.
I was always the type of person that would want to live each day like it's my last. Make my peace with everyone, just in case the good Lord decides my purpose is met. My time is done. Ready to go on home. (sigh) Heaven, to be in the presence of the Lord always... ...okay, I'm back.
So, make my peace with anyone and everyone I'm called to and be done with each day.
To say "I love you" often. "Thank you" everyday. "You're amazing" to my children. "I'm sorry" when I should be. And "I forgive you" because God forgave me.
But there are days when the struggle is too much. There are seasons of life and marriage that are trying. This is promised in scripture.
So, how do we look on our marriage, look our spouse in the eye, and still say "I love you" and "Thank you, Lord" in those times? And mean it?
As a reminder to myself, and with the help of my lovely friends and family, I've written out ten things about marriage that we can be thankful for even in the difficult times.
1. A partner in the hard times. As mentioned before, life throws us curveballs that are equally unexpected and unavoidable. This is when you realize your spouse not only goes through it with you, but has their own bad feelings about your suffering. They might not grieve the way you grieve, but they sure feel the impact of the hardship to the same degree you do. They also compensate when you might be going through something difficult. Maybe you're physically unable to clean your home, whether from sickness or injury, your spouse helps the best they can when needed. Shoot, I might be just plain busy and my husband will clean the house, feeds the kids, do the bedtime routine, etc. Sometimes your spouse might just help you because you need to sleep. Maybe they get up in the night with the screaming baby, or maybe they eat left overs for a few days because you've been too busy with life to cook. Another great thing, is that when you're going through this hardship or rough season, your spouse will comfort you the best way they know how. And marriage gives you someone to talk to when you're scared about something, whether a bad dream, a bad job, a skipped paycheck, a diagnosis, etc.
2. Your mate. Yes, I had to say what almost everyone thinks of first. Sex is meant to bring you together in a very strong way. The intimacy you experience provides a closeness and reassurance of understanding each other. When you need touch, you can have it. When you want to be held, you can. Even flirting is beneficial. Regular intimacy in a monogamous marital relationship is the way God intended, and thus blesses! It's good for your health, not only emotionally, but also physically helps reduce stress and anxiety. Plus, it's not just sex alone, it's everything with sex. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, even admiring one another from across the room. These are all an important part of a healthy marriage. These are all things to be thankful for in marriage.
3. Someone who said, "I do" and "I will". Your spouse made the commitment to love you and be true to you. And you alone. Now, I'm not saying that because you're married, your marriage is healthy. It might not be. BUT your spouse and you made a formal agreement before your family, friends, and God to be committed to working through life together. I often like to look at my ring and remember my sweet husband saying that he gave it to me as "a symbol of his love and devotion". It's good to remember your wedding day and what you actually vowed to do. It's also good to be thankful for a person who vowed to be your spouse.
4. A person to be with! Your spouse is someone you can play games with and against. You can have hobbies together, you can go to events together, you can go on dates together. You can do all of these with the same person. It's like your own personal romantic comedy. You can laugh together! Your spouse is someone you can just be with. They get you, they get your kids, they even get your jokes. They like to watch movies with you they have inside knowledge about your life so you don't have to explain things to them. AND (my favorite) you can gut laugh with them to the point of tears and you don't care what you look or sound like. If you snort, no big deal.
5. Your coach & cheerleader. Your spouse pushes you. They know what you're capable of and will not let you say, "I can't." Sometimes they won't even let you say, "I don't want to." They have high standards for you because they know and have seen your strength. They will encourage you in your pursuits and support you along the way to your achievements. They will be in the front row taking pictures. Often, your spouse will be the reason you can accomplish anything in life. Accomplishments take effort from both you and your spouse when you're married. Not to mention, accountability. There is no better accountability partner than the person you eat, sleep, and live with.
6. A friend who understands. Your spouse knows who your friends are and the crazy stories about your relatives and family reunions. They know your family, children, neighbors, boss', coworkers, and church family members. They understand your relationships and can support you in a way they know you need. They are familiar with your everyday battles, whether it's a bad attitude or forgetfulness, they can help because they understand. They also have a deep knowledge of you and your past and love you anyway. They will listen to you and talk with you when it really matters. And sometimes they will even listen when they know you're wrong. They will be patient with you and forgive you. They know when you've reached your limit and you need a "timeout". And they still tell you they love you even when you're irritating them.
7. Someone to dress up & down with. I know some spouses complain about dressing up, but truthfully if your spouse were gone tomorrow, you'd miss this. Your spouse gives you a reason to shower, brush your hair and teeth, put on perfume or cologne, etc. If you're married, you have a reason to look polished at some point in the day, even if you didn't go anywhere. Your spouse is also the person you can have your sweatpant-moments with. If you smell a little funky, they funk with you. And then they shower with you (added bonus). You can both have your dress down mornings while you clean the house and you know you'll still love each other. However, you also go out together and put some effort into yourself for each other. No one wants to be married to a sweatpant-forever kinda person. I mean, not usually.
8. Your Personal Care Assistant. Your spouse is invested into your future. They want you to not only stick around, but be as healthy as possible in that time. Mind, body, and spirit. They help keep track of ailments, appointments, medications, etc. They pay attention to your life with the Lord. Your struggles, goals, and accountability. It is always easier to go to church and pray when you know someone is watching your walk with the Lord. Your spouse also relieves stress by fulfilling spiritual roles and familial roles. They work hard for you and your family so that you can be healthy and joyful. It is always something to be thankful for when you have a person in your life paying attention to your short and long term health. It may not seem fun, but if it were suddenly missing from your life, you'd miss being taken care of this way!
9. Your partner in crime. Isn't it awesome to have someone at your side to fight the good fight? You can stand for the same causes. Your spouse will support you in disputes, pray for your enemies with you, and seek peace for you when you're unable. You also may argue together against what is wrong. In the mission of life set before you, God has given you a spouse to help with seeking what is right and standing for the truth. I always joke about getting arrested for something righteous, and being thankful for having a spouse who would either be with me in jail or able to bail me out. Your spouse is also someone who helps in family disputes. They can see things more objectively, take your side, and without judgment still love your family. This=great!
10. Someone to enjoy life with. Whether you enjoy the beach, wine, good food, taking a deep breath on a long walk, the rain, the mountains, music, business, sports, looking at photo albums, taking road trips, etc. you have someone at your side along the way! Your spouse is someone you can go on a trip with, have drama almost the entire time, and look back years later and say, "Man, that was a great time!" It's not just enjoying life that makes having a spouse awesome, but having someone to think about bringing joy to. Planning special events or meals you know they will like, buying or making little gifts for each other that have sentimental value. Even just having someone who will read out loud to you when you're not feeling well. It's not about being in a season that is easier or happier, but rather having someone at your side no matter where you are in life. If you're in a difficult season, you can still dream with your spouse about the future.
You won't have your spouse forever, so go enjoy your mate! We all have things in our marriage that we have a hard time enjoying. However, whether you're a husband or a wife, you can be thankful for your spouse by changing your focus. Look at all the good in your marriage & be thankful. It is a blessing to be married and have such an awesome, important ministry in your life!
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