respect & love; want & need

A little bit of a rant. I am so sick of divorce.
What in the world did you think marriage was going to be like?

Two selfish people+always being able to think of yourself first+living together+knowing & sharing everything=the opposite of a good marriage. For everyone.
Marriage takes work.
H a r d work.

I just get so sick sick sick of people whining. As if my husband is better than their's OR I make a better wife naturally. I WANT to share everything and it's easier for me...? Yeah right.
The world has educated all young people to think that marriage is a fantasy come true. Wrong.
Marriage is a nightmare that wakes and sobers you up into the reality that you are a selfish, selfish person.

Not only do you want things your way but you want your spouse to be like you. You don't think this at first. Ohhhh no. You think your spouse is amazing and wonderful and perfect and there won't be any cause for the two of you to fight or even want time away from each other. But then you get married and realize how quickly you can become irritated with a person when he or she really hasn't said or done anything. Just what they are thinking or the fact that they are doing nothing can make you sizzle on the inside.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my husband and marriage. I love being married and think a dedicated marriage is the answer for most of our problems in the world. Insecure relationships. Children who make bad choices. People who think too much of themselves. Etc. etc. etc.
BUT

and there is a big but.

A dedicated marriage is the solution. NO ONE has an easy marriage. No one has a problem-free marriage. Or even fewer problems than you. It's pretty much equal across the board. But it's the attitude and truth of the two individuals that decide how it's going to work out.

Of course, I don't recommend anyone stay in a physically abusive relationship. But very few people who get divorced are getting divorced for this reason. When you are scared for your life, run for your life. Help them change by making them realize they cannot treat people this way.
H o w e v e r...
I am sick of everyone talking about the emotional abuse in marriage. MARRIAGE IS ABUSIVE in itself. It beats the crap out of you emotionally and spiritually. It takes everything you have and tells you that what you have is not enough to make it work. Because dadadaduh!
You are not enough.

We need a Savior to help us. Save us from our selfishness. Sin. Bah, humbug.
People find all kinds of reasons to justify why their marriage is so bad and why they can leave AND why they really tried. If you think the other person is at fault, I mean not what you say but what you reeeeeeaalllly think and feel, honey....you are full of bullhonky. (again not talking about physical abuse and threats thereof)
If you really tried, then you'd realize you can't do it and would seek out a n y thing to help. Which includes counseling and church.
Now church may not change your spouse or even your marriage, but the Lord will change your heart if you really want Him to. And a church that teaches the Word will help you know more about the Lord.

The issue is, you don't want to change.
And until you face that fun fact...you will keep failing at relationships.
___________

The Bible says that men need respect and women need love from each other in marriage.
This is totally true.
But I will say that from my husband I may want and need love. But from everyone else, I want respect. I want to be honored.
By my children, parents, friends....I could care less about cuddles, long talks, and love letters. I really want people to think I am respectable and honorable. I want people to see my hard work and appreciate it. And this includes having a realistic view of my life and marriage. It is hard for me too but I don't give up easily. And when I have given it my all and worked my butt off I don't want people comparing and saying that my marriage is just easier which is why it's successful.
Or that selflessness just comes more naturally to me. Hah!
I could make a whole list of things I reallllllly dislike about myself, my marriage and point fingers but instead I own up to my attitude problems and recognize the truth.

Focusing on my spouse and his imperfections only makes me miserable and immature. Focusing on myself makes me feel defeated and lacking when I fail. Focusing on the Lord and His abilities to change my heart and hear my prayers brings me peace and thankfulness...which leads me back to respecting, loving, and appreciating my mate.

There is a difference between what you want and need.

Maybe God wanted you to be married to someone who drives you crazy...maybe you need to change.

fits, coffee explosions, and too many questions

As a person, I really do love and cherish quiet time. I get up early, without trying most of the time, and have a few minutes of quiet, alone time most mornings. And I try to take this time to reflect on my life, my day, and what God has for me. How He will help me as long as I go to Him....happy alone time.

But occasionally, I wake up to my toddler screaming for me. This, of course, wakes everyone else up and instantly I'm needed. 

I'm needed for breakfast, bathroom trips, clothing, cleaning, and school almost immediately and for at least the first hour of my morning. I have no time to go to the bathroom, in fact I'm pretty sure my body just recognizes that "she's busy" and goes into this "survival" mode where everything my body, soul, mind and heart needs just gets put on hold...more like a simmer. Not hold. Simmer mode. Where you know eventually it will boil over. 

It's like a firehouse alarm going off and instantly you have to get moving about 60 mph in order to try to get ahold of things. You're the adult, after all. You're supposed to have things under control.

Now, I should be thankful for healthy children who can talk, eat, go to the bathroom, and breathe on their own. Who are not in the hospital for any reason. Who I GET to take care of...but let's be honest. This thought usually comes second to last. The first thing is always, okay...I can do this. I can do this. Just start doing and it will get done.

And then I come up with something, one thing at a time, but just one thing that I need to get me through. 

If it's reading the bible, then the children have questions and will not give me quiet or alone time to read or even comprehend what I'm reading. "Mom, what is this?" "What am I supposed to do on this assignment?" "Can I have more breakfast?" "Mom, I'm sorry I spilt my water on your stuff."

If it's a cup of coffee, it gets left in the microwave too long (during the second reheat) and explodes, thus creating more work. Then more questions come, "Mom, what happened?" "What's that smell?" "What'd you do?"

If it's cleaning, I will do a job to turn around and find it needs to be done again almost immediately. And more thoroughly. 

And the list goes on.

Ever have one of these mornings? 

And it starts the night before. ALWAYS.

It's usually following a night where your baby or someone in your house needs you throughout the 

e n t i r e night. 

• The dog gets sick and has explosive diarrhea.
• The child has a cold and can't breathe through the night.
• The baby just threw up all over your side of the bed. And it's the kind that really stinks so you can't ignore it until morning.

Oh, and fun fact, I'm ALSO the type of person who CANNOT go back to sleep once I'm awake. Very rarely when I wake up can I go back to sleep and if I do, it is h o u r s later. 

It happens to all of us. And it just sets the tone for the entire next day. No matter how hard you try, you can't beat it. You can't even keep up with it. Defeat is the theme of the song and you are the lead singer.

The only thing that makes it all stop. And I mean STOP.

Is prayer.

For guidance. Support. Patience. A moment. The right words. The right timing to apologize to your children *ahem*. And then apologize again.

But the funny thing is that it will all start again. M A D N E S S. 

So you pray again.

All day long you feel like you're going to the Lord and "bothering" Him.

But then, you realize, He wants you to come to Him. Every time. All the time. Because He actually IS in control.
And maybe He's letting you go through the madness so that you learn to go to Him in prayer.

Huh.