asking for needed help when you don't want to

(Source)

I can tell God has something to say to me when it keeps coming up in multiple conversations with different people. Part of me wants to assume it's a conspiracy and somehow all the people in my life have secret meetings to discuss how they want to persuade me...but that part of me is the backwoods Alaskan who's a bit paranoid.

Recently, I was asked if I have a hard time asking for help. 

For some reason, all the loving people who have told me this for years didn't really make a difference in my thinking. But when a friend asked me to analyze myself this way and try to figure out the reason why, it had a different affect.

Do I have a hard time asking for help? And why?

As a mom, I push myself until I'm absolutely at my wits end. Until I discipline my kids so much and so often that I'm exhausted and want to throw each of my children in the snow (of course there's no snow this year, so there's that). Or until I start making pancakes for dinner out of desperation for something easy. They are protein-packed pancakes, of course. That's healthy, right? Sure is.

Being a mom and staying with your kids 24/7 can be the type of job that overwhelms you in a matter of hours. It doesn't take weeks or months for you to start daydreaming your next break. 

There are several reasons I don't ask for help: 

1. I believe I should be able to do it on my own. (out of my own pride)
2. I don't want to burden someone else with my load. (stubbornness in not sharing the load)
3. I'm embarrassed about the issues my family or I struggle with. (fear of judgment)
4. I tend to be more of a private person with my issues. (growing up not relying on others)
5. I don't trust people. (hanging on to past hurts)

Does anyone relate with this?

Sure, stubbornness can be a very good thing when standing for what's right. And doing things on your own can make you stronger. But something's wrong if you think having help or needing help is wrong.

So, here's the humbling message God has shared with me this week. 

People who love you want to bless you. They are thinking about you and praying for you even when you don't ask.

They want to help.

And you need it.

Either ask or take them up on their offer.

As I write this, I have a hard time holding back tears. Humility can be a painful process (stupid pride). I have so many friends and family members I can ask for help. Who offer help when I need it most as I consistently refuse and try to manage on my own (which ultimately has me on my closet floor in a puddle of tears).

Now, I want to encourage everyone out there to be careful with this. You don't want to over-ask or be the "complaining friend" every time you come for a visit. 

It should be a blessing for them not a burden.

People can't take care of your kids every week and make meals and clean your house forever. Bummer, right? 

But during a difficult season, a time when you find yourself struggling more often than not, it is okay to ask for help. The season might be a difficult week, month, or even year. But it is just a season and the people who want to help during this time will be the type of people who will be there at the end of this season anyway.

It is okay to ask someone to help with your budgeting, homeschooling, chores, cooking, shopping, cleaning, or meal planning. It's okay to admit that you can't do it by yourself, that you need help. Even if that means, just having someone come visit you to keep YOU in check.

Wisdom and judgment need to be used when seeking help, but it can be very rewarding for you and your family when you allow yourself to need help from someone else.

The Lord has shown me so much of my pride in the last six months, and I am truly humbled at the love and grace God gives me through others. 

So, my message to you, my sister in stubbornness: I love you. I understand the battle for you. And God loves you and made you. You cannot live life on your own. You've been doing it long enough unsuccessfully. Ask God to reveal those in your life who LOVE you. Ask Him to forgive your pride and help you to be humble. And thank Him for helping you all these years and for providing loving people in your life. Take a deep breath and practice saying these words. "Can you please help me?"

And remember to not only say thank you, but return the love when someone else needs it.