sacrifices & seasons of difficulty

My manly husband, Adam, is a nurse. That's right! A wonderful, caring, strong nurse. I will admit, when I met him I didn't think anything about his majoring in Nursing relating with his level of masculinity. But I was a little shocked at the jokes and comments about how this was a woman's role...*shrug* I thought he looked cute in the scrubs! Plus, um hello?! He wanted to take care of others for a living, AND these people were SICK. I mean...I couldn't do it.
And his masculinity wasn't really something to question in my mind. ;)

Anyway. The required classes before Nursing School were no big deal when we were courting and even shortly after we got married. We'd walk together, holding hands, on our way to class...completely unaware of what was to come.
Nursing school.
Over a year and a half long (but it felt a lot longer).

Now, don't get me wrong. This was a fabulous opportunity. Adam was excited and had been waiting since his youth to learn the things he was going to learn. However, nursing school + a new marriage + normal life = a very difficult season.
Here's a picture of us almost halfway through school, still smiling (by the grace of God). I didn't have a picture of one of our "difficult times" at home! "Hold on, honey. I know you're upset and so am I, but let me go grab the camera!" Haha!

Seriously though, we hardly saw each other, and when we did, it was difficult to jump into being best friends. We were still learning each other (and now I know, we will always be learning), but he would literally be unable to even discuss things for days at a time. It made our marriage move to second and sometimes third priority in our life together. We had the desire to live for the Lord but were in a season that kept us from being the married couple we wanted to be.

Have you ever had one of those seasons where your marriage really can't be first? Isn't it awful? You smile for the camera, sure, but home-life was a different story. Home was hard. Not impossible, just hard.

I mean, I don't make my marriage first all the time now, but I have the ability to. In the "nursing school season", I will say, if Adam was going to make it through and graduate, there would be days when our relationship wouldn't get what it needed. Our communication would be lacking. And honestly, we were not going to be able to make the time for each other that husband and wife should.

Thankfully, (and here's the happy moment, the sigh of relief) nursing school, itself, was just a season.
We had hope. We could count down the days until it was over. And we frequently counted them. We took comfort in the idea of having more time together later. We knew we could make it through with the help of our Lord, just being patient and waiting for things to change while still living life.

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Difficult seasons happen for everyone. I am not here to say that if you're going through a difficult season that this is not God's will, but rather to evaluate why you are in this season. Is it necessary to meet an end goal? Is it something God has put in your life for a time to test you or possibly push you in the way you ought to go? Or is this your own doing for your own purpose? Have you prayed about this difficulty? Do you have peace or are you just numb and disconnected from reality?
I ask because I've been there.

But here's the concern...I have noticed that some families get a little too comfortable in their difficult season. They take on too many jobs or ministries. They sign their kids up for too many activities. They do not schedule regular alone time for their marriage. They focus on their daily needs and don't really have a plan for changing this difficulty in the future. Near or far.

Not only is this dangerous for your marriage but it is exactly what Satan wants. We, as women, are so good at keeping ourselves busy without even really trying. It just happens. Which is why we have to prioritize and sometimes sacrifice. If Satan can get us in a routine that is harming our Godly priorities, he will.

If something doesn't work for your family or marriage, stop doing it. If something in your life can be removed that is causing more harm than good to your God-given roles, remove it. In raising children, we have to constantly make decisions about how busy their life will be. And in loving our spouses, we have to decide what will be sacrificed so that we can have the connection husband and wife were created to have.

If you're in a difficult season and nothing really can be sacrificed, then you and your husband can cry out together. Guaranteed, however frustrated you are, he feels the same level of frustration.

Communicate. Let this season of difficulty be something that strengthens your marriage. We are promised to have difficult times, but they are meant to refine us. Make us more of His design. If the difficulty is driving a wedge between you and your mate, I would say that the wedge might need to be evaluated. You should be able to cry out to the Lord together during difficulties. You should be able to pray with each other about seasons of strife. And ultimately, you should trust that God will provide a situation for you that your marriage can handle.

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

God didn't bring difficulties into your life by mistake. God wants us to learn to endure to become His perfect result lacking nothing. Imagine how strong your marriage will be at the end of this hardship. These trials are part of His beautiful design for both you and your husband. However, you need to decide if this difficulty is something unavoidable that God really brought to refine you OR if it is a consequence of a choice or behavior that is not part of God's design for your marriage and family.

Maybe you don't have enough energy for your husband at the end of your day, thus causing you to make excuses for not having time for intimacy. Maybe you don't have enough money for the lifestyle you're choosing but keep spending anyway. Or possibly, you're not making enough time for your children and the relationships are not as close as they should be. Maybe you're struggling with something that is avoidable.

My question to you is, will this ever end? You have to plan to make your husband first priority. You have to plan to have your children involved in the right activities while not sacrificing your family time together.
Something is always sacrificed for your priorities. We cannot do or have it all. Maybe we should sacrifice over-involvement for intimacy. Fellowship with friends for family time. Something really "cute" yet expensive for financial peace.

We must plan the life we want. We have to make sure our priorities are in alignment with what God says in His word. And most importantly, we are called to trust Him when difficulties come that were, in fact, unavoidable and part of His design.