for married ladies only, please

I feel like I should be whispering this post...but I'm going to just be bold (haha, get it? bold, like bold)...okay, I'm nervous. Hence the stupid jokes. Here we go.

It was a little over three years ago, Adam and I took this Dave Ramsey course for money management and how to glorify God with your budgeting while having peace about your finances. (Holla! I know some of you have taken this!)

A w e s o m e. Totally blessed us!

It got me thinking a lot about how often money is a problem in marriage. How many couples have issues in their relationships regarding respect, appreciation, communication that all come from how they handle money.

Now, I'm not looking to reopen any wounds or start any wars. But this thinking led me to evaluate other areas in marriage... that most couples struggle with...... that we are not talking about as Christian women...
Yes, I'm talking about sex.

Early on in my marriage, my husband and I were both full time students and working full time jobs. And then, God brought a toddler into our lives who needed a home on top of all the busyness we had on our plate. As you might be able to conclude, our first year of marriage was a little crazy. And by crazy, I mean stressful.

Life looked a little something like this...husband and wife passing by each other a couple times a day, calling or texting when they could. Running errands, going here and there, taking the little one where she needed to go, etc. All the while not really making the time for each other that was necessary. Honestly, it was like being roommates with occasional benefits! haha...ha...not funny
Those benefits didn't happen as often as they should have. You know what I'm sayin'.

At the end of the day we were tired. Wanting to relax and unwind. We wanted our sweatpants, snacks, maybe a beer (or glass of wine ;) ), and some peace and quiet. And by we, I mean mostly me. Sometimes a we. But mostly a me.

How does the need for rest and peace at the end of a long day work with having a valuable conversation and involving your spouse in your everyday struggles, laughs, and other stories that make your spouse feel included?
Well, it doesn't.
So, occasional benefits + lack of involvement in life + lack of communication = romantic union, not

Our bedroom was an office, a couch, sometimes a place of grooming (nails, hair, etc.), but rarely was it the romantic environment it needed to be.
And guess what I told myself? It was fine. I was fine.
"We were fine." ....= Lie

Truth: we were not fine.

Not only was I not comfortable talking about it, I was in complete denial when I did communicate.

Now, after almost eight years of marriage, I will say I needed to share more of myself with my husband. Much like budgeting your money (thank you Dave Ramsey), you and your husband need to also communicate about maintaining your...love? haha! Really though! SEX.

You should be communicating about your needs, his needs, what's working, what's not, and these "budget committee meetings" that Dave Ramsey says are a must for managing your budget...well, the same applies to your sex life! I'm serious.

Talk about your insecurities, your embarrassments, your fears. Talk about your past and how it might be affecting your present. Talk about what you want for your future. And reward each other for being open and honest! :) ;) And by "reward"...I mean sex. haha!

Have these talks regularly. As often as you need to discuss money, you should be discussing sex. And not only is communication key, but behavior is a huge part of this! Have fun! Smile. Be confident. You were designed for your spouse. And he was designed for you. Enjoy! :) And if your bedroom serves as a multi-purpose room, then find a way to make it more hospitable for marriage at bedtime. Nice sheets, lighting, candles, whatever. Make an effort!

Stop lying to yourself. You're not fine! And remember that God blesses you when you put your spouse first and love him more than yourself. If you find yourself struggling, pray about it. If you are more guarded at first than open (like me), ask that God will give you an opportunity (and the boldness) to talk to your mate! (Mate, hah! maaaate :)) And when you do talk, also ask questions. Listen. Let your guard down and trust that God will bless you for your obedience. And speak up if your needs are not being met.

Sex is meant to bring unity and intimacy. It is part of God's design for husband and wife so you both are not tempted to sin beyond what you can handle. Your intimate life should be pure, honored and sacred because it is a holy union under God. And in this holiness, we are called to celebrate each other! We are called to be available to each other.

1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.

Scripture is clear about sex between husband and wife. It's supposed to happen!
The only legitimate excuse to withhold your body from your spouse is for fasting and that is with the agreement of your husband. But guess what it says after that? Come together again!!! We come up with so many excuses but the truth is, it's wrong! Morally and biblically wrong.
I know there are times when we all really don't feel like being intimate, but it should be discussed and prayed about. Your marriage is unique to you and your husband but it should be satisfying for both you and your husband. Equally. And don't tell yourself "you're fine" or "he's fine", when deep in your heart...you feel what I'm saying right now.

We, as Christian women, should be in the most sexually satisfying relationships because we are doing it God's way! ...(holds back laughter)...

Oh, lighten up! I see you, judgy wife. I used to be you, all uptight and quiet about sex...

You might be a little more stressed out than you think. You might be like me and tell yourself, "I'm fine. Everything is good. There's nothing to talk about." Meanwhile, you're a little more grouchy than usual. You tend to overthink conversations or disagreements. Maybe little things are bothering you and you just can't figure out why. You find that you're a little too serious about life.

Yup. You need some of that sweet man that God gave you. So, go get some.
And by "some"...


I mean sex.